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I stop at bloody accidents and stare

That annoying vaginal itching itch

1y3k 0mgzzz gi335, n3uu p30m, N i7z N 3pik 1!1!11!11111

eyev 1057 mi531f

3y3 \/\/45 h3dng 2 73h m411,
7h433 5311 37h k3\/\/1357 7hing5 in 740n,
3y3 fin4133 g07 2 C 73h un5p33k4b1...
h07 70pik g07 k1053d d40n... :,(

3y3v 1057 mi prup053 in 1yf3,
\/\/h04 i5 m33,
70d433 3y3v 1057 mi531f,
H40 k0u1d 7h5i b33...

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3y3 701d mi3 m0m 2 t43k m33 h04m,
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4nd 700k m33 gr053r33 5ha\/\/pping...

3y3 7h3n h4d 2 g0 2 7h3 $$$ 570r3,
N 3y3 \/\/45 53\/\/ 4ngr33,
3y3 0p3n3d 7h3 b4gs 0f p1457ik ny3vzz 0n 7h3 5h31f,
N 574r73d 2 ku7 mi531f...

3y3 7h4\/\/7 pp1 \/\/00d undrr574nd,
3y3 fin41133 7h4\/\/7 7h433 did,
Mi m0m 700k m33 h04m 4f73r 5h0\/\/ng mi 4ng57,
0n133 2 7311 m33 3y3m gro\/\/nd3d...

n0 h07 70pik 0r 5p0rk5,
n0-1 undr574ndzz mi d-pr35hun,
3y3 n33d3d 50m37hing 5h4rp,
53\/\/ 3y3 u53d mi 703n4i1 k0113k5h3n...

3y3 f4i13d N \/\/4n7 2 133v 7hi5 \/\/0r1d,
\/\/04 i5 m33,
3y3m 4 g07h \/\/i7h0\/\/7 4 h07 70pik 0r ny33f,
mi d0rk 14rd 5744n, p1z 537 m33 fr33 kthx!1!!!!

3y3 ho4p U N-j033 i7!1!1!!!!!11111!!!!1!6</center>

What's a woman going to do
But throw away her bread;
Her feet are feeling funny
As she lies beneath the bed;
She reminisces of the pungent Adriatic Sea,
And then she crawls and counts her cans
And twitches like a flea.
What she really likes to do
Is sit upon a pew,
And make believe that time has stopped
And motionless is new;
Planes are stranded in the sky
And drains are stopping, too,
And she alone is laughing under
Eyelids full of flu.
She scurries hurries worries that
The wicked will receive
Their candy from a handsome man
And coffee from a thief;
She gazes at a hourglass and
Asks it if it cares,
And then she wonders if the lizard
Likes his lettuce rare:

Lizard, yes a lizard, little lizard of the sea,Conspicuously alcoholic, flicks his tongue at me!Release me lizard! Licking lizard,blizzard of the bea,Mushed inside a sock you still dare me ---to die Dare me to die --- at home...Coating all my lungs with honey,Sticky coating running runny,Feet of lizard fly!And stop and fly and stop and fly And flicker tongue is licking out To find me --- feel me. Hide! Hide from the tongue!The tongue is coming! Cruising! Oozing! Over land and under ashes, In the sunlight, see -- it flashes, Find a fly and eat his eye, But...

Don't believe in me.
Don't believe in me.
Don't believe in me.


Take it from me!

What to Do if You Find a Nest of Centipedes
in Your Vagina

1.Don't panic. Studies show that 1 out of 3 women have centipedes or centipede-like-creatures in their vaginas.

2.If you are a man and discover that you not only have a vagina, but that it is filled with centipedes, you may wish to panic a little.

3.Centipedes are insectivores. In order to entice the centipedes to leave your vagina, you may wish to try the following fun home Blue Peter-esque project:
You will need
a tampon,
a cockroach,
some Scotch tape,
and a centipede-filled vagina.

If you are under 18, be sure to ask your parents' permission before attempting to remove centipedes from your vagina.

Tape the cockroach to the tampon and insert it into your centipede-filled vagina.

Slowly (and if possible, erotically) pull the string until the be-cockroached tampon slides out of your centipede-filled vagina.

If you are lucky, one or more centipedes will have gone for the bait and evacuated your now slightly less centipede-filled vagina.

Repeat until you are satisfied with the centipede density in your vagina.

Helpful hint: since all centipedes are asian, if they are not taking the bait it may be helpful to cater to their particular tastes. You may want to soak the tampon in soy sauce, or liberally apply sweet-and-sour sauce to the cockroach. Avoid at all costs the temptation to subsistute General Tso's chicken for the cockroach. Your vagina will thank you.

Should you need to enlist the help of others, be sure to state in a loud, clear voice that there are centipedes inside you. This will cause them to ask where, and give you the opportunity to mutter "in mah vagina" semi-coherently like Hillary Swank in Boys Don't Cry. That's always funny.

Other Places to Find Centipedes

Centipedes can generally be found in tropical climates and in caves of the non-vaginal variety.

"Guess who's going to get some centipedes in her vagina?"

Like everything else that comes into or out of your vagina, centipedes entitle you, as a woman, to special treatment. It is therefore your Goddess-given right—nay, verily, your duty—to mention your centipede-filled vagina at all opportunities. You should assume that everyone who disagrees with you, makes fun of you, or fails to buy you things from your wishlist does so because he is prejudiced against you due to your centipede-filled vagina.

The key to making your centipede-filled vagina into an effective bargaining tool is to bring attention to it as loudly as possible. Some suggested options are "JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A NEST OF CENTIPEDES IN MY VAGINA DOESN'T MEAN I'M ANY LESS OF A PERSON!" or "YOUR CENTIPEDE-FILLED VAGINA WOULDN'T FIT INTO AN MRI EITHER!"
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